Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Dangerous Toys, My Eye! - December 1, 2009


We're right in the middle of the holiday shopping season, and December 1st is the beginning of "Safe Toys and Gifts Month," all of which reminds us that every year about this time, some group of buttinsky do-gooders comes along with a list of "dangerous" toys that parents are supposed to avoid -- just because some kiddie somewhere might swallow something or put an eye out.

When we were growing up, we weren't softies like these kids today. Our toys were hazardous. They were rusty. They gave us splinters. They exploded in our faces or stabbed us, and that's just the way we liked it.

We played with chemistry sets and ovens that were shaped like goofy-looking heads, with which we concocted all sorts of toxic crap -- which we'd eat without a second thought -- and enjoy!

We had "Thingmakers" that would melt "Plastigoop," which could burn the skin right off your arm. Hell, even our Erector sets could cut your fingers clean off!

Nowadays, these pantywaists aren't even allowed to play dodgeball or swing on the monkey bars, because some clumsy kid might break an arm. Honestly! You damn kids today.

Now pick up your hypoallergenic, flame-resistant, no-small-parts toys with the rounded edges and get the hell off my lawn!

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