We're right in the middle of the holiday shopping season, and December 1st is the beginning of "Safe Toys and Gifts Month," all of which reminds us that every year about this time, some group of buttinsky do-gooders comes along with a list of "dangerous" toys that parents are supposed to avoid -- just because some kiddie somewhere might swallow something or put an eye out.
When we were growing up, we weren't softies like these kids today. Our toys were
hazardous. They were rusty.
They gave us splinters.
They exploded
in our faces or stabbed
us, and that's just the way we liked it.
We played with chemistry sets and ovens that were shaped like goofy-looking heads, with which we concocted all sorts of toxic crap
-- which we'd eat
without a second thought -- and enjoy!
We had "Thingmakers"
that would melt "Plastigoop,"
which could burn the skin right off your arm. Hell, even our Erector sets could cut your fingers clean off!
Nowadays, these pantywaists aren't even allowed to play dodgeball
or swing on the monkey bars, because some clumsy kid might break an arm. Honestly! You damn kids today.
Now pick up your hypoallergenic,
flame-resistant,
no-small-parts toys with the rounded edges and get the hell off my lawn!
Suggested Sites...
- W.A.T.C.H. List - a warning guide to the most dangerous toys of the year.
- Boomer Baby Toys - boomers get nostalgic for the toys of their youth.
- TV Party: Kids With Guns - ads from the days when it was hard to get away from toy guns.
- The Most Dangerous Toys Ever Made - a rogue's gallery of toys so dangerous you'll beg Santa to take them back.
- Like Television: Toyland - watch vintage toy commercials.
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