Cthulhu Speaks! Tremble, Mortals! - December 4, 2007

"Tremble?" Oh, fer cryin' out loud; here we go again! You think it's easy being a Great Old One? My kids tell me that I'm supposed to be in this new movie -- what is it, Cloverleaf? Cumberland? Whatever. This Internets thing is too confusing for me -- gimme a break, I'm a million friggin' years old.  Anyway, this meshuggah Abrams character is dragging up that same old story about me wanting to take over the world -- again.  Believe me, nothing could be further from the truth. I tried it, I hated it. Every day, it's Shoggoth this and Yog-Sothoth that, and before you know it, the whole day's been taken up with paperwork and meetings, and all I want to do is kick back, pop open a cold one, and watch a ballgame. (And don't even get me started on those fakakta poindexters at Miskatonic University; talk about a pain in the tentacles....)  So what's a fella to do? I've been smeared by better than this guy (that schmendrick Lovecraft? Feh.), so I just ignore it; otherwise it can make you crazy. Suggested Sites... Cloverfield - yeah, yeah, it's some big monster. Just leave me out of it. "I, Cthulhu" - oh, great. Now I gotta deal with this this Neil Gaiman schmuck. J.J. Abrams - this guy -- again. Wikipedia: Cthulhu - what's the use? "When the legend becomes fact, print the legend." Cthulhu: The Movie - well, at least I get top billing in this one.