"Two Thumbs Up! The Feel-Good Comedy of the Season!" - February 12, 2009

Destiny plays funny tricks. We've mentioned our love of coincidence, and the fact that both Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin were born 200 years ago today leapt at us like a hippo at a pumpkin. It was a challenge. To write about one and neglect the other wasn't an option, but since they never actually met, we couldn't write about their exchanges of profound thoughts on the meaning of the place of humans in the universe. We were stumped until someone proposed writing about "bromances;" that is, close friendships between men. So with that in mind, here’s our film pitch for the Hollywood buddy comedy Abe and Chuck, all of which is 100% true and based on actual facts. We swear. FADE IN: March, 1831. Abraham Lincoln, 22 years old, strikes out to explore the mighty Mississippi River. He ends up in New Orleans, where the equally 22-year-old Charles Darwin, a passenger on HMS Beagle, stops in the Crescent City while the ship restocks.  Both men end up in a friendly saloon, and after a long night of drinking, become blood brothers while inadvertently inventing Mardi Gras. Separating (each with a neckful of beads obtained in a PG-13 way), they agree to stay in touch.  As the years pass, Darwin advances through the scientific community, advocating that by shaving monkeys and apes, they can be made useful members of Victorian society. Lincoln begins a legal and political career, first as a Whig, and then as one of the founders of the Republican Party -- which he unsuccessfully campaigns to be called the "Dude, What an Awesome!" Party. Because Transatlantic travel is rare in the mid-19th century, their encounters are few but memorable: In 1839, they find themselves in Philadelphia and invent the cheesesteak ("The next great evolution in sandwich-making!" "You'll eat four score and seven of them!") In Waterbury, Connecticut in 1850, their desperate attempts to consume a six-pack leads to the invention of the can opener, and a riotous 1853 weekend in Saratoga Springs, New York starts with hot-oil massages, but ends in the invention of the potato chip. As they gain notoriety, their in-person encounters decrease, but they do plan one last spring-break blowout during Easter, 1865. Darwin’s last letter to Lincoln is an invitation to Ford’s Theatre: "C'mon, Abey-baby!," he writes. "Would it kill you to go to the theatre?" Oops! FADE OUT. Suggested Sites... Lincoln Bicentennial - could even Honest Abe have blown out 200 candles? International Darwin Day - well, maybe with Darwin's help. How Darwin and Lincoln Shaped Us - Newsweek's history may not be as complete than ours. News-weak: Darwin vs Lincoln - answering Newsweek's questions. How Lincoln and Darwin Shaped the Modern World - buddies or not, they still matter two centuries later.