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Since today is NCIS star Mark Harmon's
birthday, we feel we must discuss a horrific plague that has threatened
America -- if not the world -- with darkness for at least the last
half-century: the horror that is the athlete-turned-actor.
Why do jocks think they can act? We'll grant them that, in most cases,
they've shown an ability to perform under pressure in front of huge crowds.
But when we see Shaquille O'Neal's inability to deal with a role as unchallenging as Kazaam, well, we just have to wonder,
"What were they thinking?"
Of course, Shaq's not to blame -- entirely. Since the 1920s, movie producers
have used athletes to try to boost their box office. In many cases, the
athletes simply played themselves, though even as gifted a ballplayer as Jackie Robinson
was, he wasn't exactly convincing playing himself (though he looked better than some of his fellow Dodgers), and we should be grateful that Babe Ruth didn't
make any musicals.
For some reason, it's mostly been former football or basketball players who
have tried to make career changes, though only the most generous definition
would allow us to call Rosey Grier, Brian Bosworth,
or O.J. Simpson
"actors." Now, we're not saying that every athlete who turns his
hand to acting is hopeless. Carl Weathers, Jim Brown, and Alex Karras have
given some fine performances, and it's always a treat to see Vinnie Jones or Dwayne Johnson
make an appearance. Even Harmon himself isn't bad -- in the right roles.
With all those jocks trying their skills as thespians, you'd think that some
actors would try to become athletes, and yet, with the exception of Kurt Russell,
it seems to be a one-way street. We're not sure why that is (maybe actors
know their limitations?) but we hope that more of them stay in the business,
if only to make sure we never have to see a dancing Jean-Claude
Van Damme ever again.
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